


Into Darkness

by hikari0205



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-29
Updated: 2013-08-29
Packaged: 2017-12-25 00:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/946641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hikari0205/pseuds/hikari0205
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three months into their five year mission Kirk loses his eyesight.</p><p>To be blind is not miserable; not to be able to bear blindness, that is miserable - John Milton</p>
            </blockquote>





	Into Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt on twitter: What if Kirk is blind and Bones has to help him?  
> For mikeywaybars
> 
> The only clear pairing is Spock/Uhura but the others are written so that you can imagine them as pairings or just friends based on your preferences.
> 
> I'm new to the Star Trek fandom so apologies for any mistakes!

It had all been going so well too. After his brush with death, Khan’s blood seemed to inject new life into the Enterprise’s beloved Captain Kirk. His vitals were normal, his heart was pumping, his lungs breathing. Everything seemed to be going well. Kirk was up and ready and they were already 3 months into their five year long mission. That was, however, the calm before the storm. Despite numerous tests and constant check-ups by Mccoy, no-one picked up on the signs until it was too late.

 

**It started with a headache**

After almost a week of constant nagging headaches, Kirk finally sought out his friend who was in the Med Bay patching up a recruit who was worse for wear after being cared for by a nervous and shaky new medical student. What started as a minor cut was now several needles embedded in a numb arm that was dripping with blood. 

“So I’ve had these pains, y’know, just like a headache ..” Mccoy nodded as Kirk spoke, focused on the task at hand and only half listening to his not currently-bleeding-to-death friend. “It’s not too bad most of the time .. Just .. Bright lights and stuff. Anything you can advise, Doctor?” To his credit, Mccoy did give the Captain a quick once over after he’d set a tight bandage around the now de-needled arm of the recruit, but his attention was instead on the medical student who was edging his way towards a cabinet of chemicals. 

“Do you mind if we talk later, Jim?” Mccoy asked with a concerned frown as he called back the student.

“No. No, it’s fine. Sure. I mean, it’s just a headache, right? I’ll be fine. We’ll talk later” Kirk smiled, patting his friend on the back before turning and walking out of the bay.

They both forgot to talk about it later.

 

**Then came the tired eyes**

Sat in the Captain’s chair, Kirk rubbed his eyes. The day had been relatively peaceful with no near-deaths, fist fights with Spock or being evacuated from his own ship - so why were his eyes so tired? Since lunch time they’d been steadily getting worse. First blurring, then watering at the corners. At one point, tears were sliding down his face so badly that poor Chekov almost had a nervous breakdown thinking he had made the Captain cry just from conversing with him. After a lot of reassurance and many tissues, Chekov was placated and back to work and Kirk had dried the worst of his tears. He did, however, notice the concerned looks Sulu and Uhura gave him throughout the rest of the day. Grumbling, he stood and walked out of the command room and headed to the toilets. He sighed at his reflection in the sink mirror. It wasn’t looking good. His eyes were red in the corners and underneath and sore to the touch. He punched the wall in annoyance which made his eyes tear up for a second time. When he returned to the Captain’s chair, knuckles scabbing over, no-one questioned the glaze of his eyes or the tears that pricked at the corners. Later, as Mccoy berated him for his injured hand, Kirk didn’t mention the pain behind his eyes.

 

**Next was the deterioration**

He noticed it first when Sulu swivelled around to talk to him. Everything was now a blur. What colour were Sulu’s eyes? Where did skin end and clothing begin? Kirk rubbed his eyes and looked back at the pilot in front of him. Nope, still the same. Still blurred lines everywhere. Panic overtook him and he ran from the Captain’s chair straight into Spock.

“Captain Kirk, may I—”

“No. Later. You take command!” Kirk shouted as he continued down the blurry and disjointed corridor, bumping into cadets that he could no longer recognise but who recognised him. He eventually made it to the med bay where he grabbed Bones and fell into him, tired and afraid. “Bones, help me. I can’t-I can’t see o-or make out anything. Bones what’s happening to me?!” Mccoy pulled him close, shooting glares at the medical crew who were staring at the collapsed Captain in his arms. He held Kirk tightly against him and stroked his hair reassuringly.

“It’s okay, Jim. I’m here. You need to rest”

As Kirk slept, he didn’t see the concerned faces of his crew as they visited or hear the hushed voices of Mccoy and Spock discussing the recent fatigue shown in the medical bay’s adopted Tribble.

 

**Finally was the darkness**

There was no scream. There was no cry.

There was a single comm ring.

Mccoy ran through the corridors, pushing people aside as panic set on his brow and in his every joint. He was still in his Starfleet issue sleeping clothes and his white socks caused him to slip at every corner and bend. Once at his destination, he flung open Jim’s door and stared inside, panting and afraid. 

Alone and curled up in the center of his bed, hair a mess and duvet still wrapped around his legs, was Kirk. His fingers were clutching his hair as his face was buried into his knees.

“Jim?” Bones asked quietly, walking the few steps to his friend’s bed in terror. The hushed whisper that blasted from the comm that woke him was still ringing in his ears. ‘I can’t see, Bones’ 

Slowly, he bent down at the side of the bed and placed a gentle hand on Kirk’s knee. “I’m here, Jim. It’s alright”

Slowly, Jim lifted his head. His whole body was shaking and his lips trembled as he heard Mccoy’s pained gasp at the sight of his dull and glazed blue eyes. As a choked sob wracked his body, he felt Mccoy climb onto the bed beside him and wrap his arms around the shaking frame of his broken friend. “I’m so sorry, Jim.” He whispered over and over as he stroked Jim’s hair. Together they sat, Jim wracking with pent up sobs and Mccoy crying silently into his hair.

It took a week to get Kirk to allow Mccoy to leave long enough to have a shower and check on the medical bay.

It took three weeks to get him to leave his room.

 

**The Captain’s crew**

The five year mission was cut to six months. Ignoring Kirk’s insistence that the Enterprise should continue as planned, the ship turned back to make its way home. Despite Spock’s being made Captain for the trip back, the chair remained empty and waiting for its true Captain to return. The ship was eerily quiet as the crew silently mourned the loss of their Captain. Telling them had not been easy. Mccoy had gathered the usual suspects together in the control room and told them not uncertainly that Kirk would probably never Captain again. As he detailed the loss of his vision the crew faltered. Spock stood straight as ever, but his eyes darkened in sorrow and disbelief that nothing more could be done. Uhura covered her mouth with her hand as she listened carefully to Mccoy’s words. Silently, she grasped Spock’s hand and didn’t let go until much later when they’d returned to work. Chekov buried his face into Sulu’s shoulder in anguish. The man who had always believed in and trusted his abilities was never going to see space again. Sulu rubbed Chekov’s back gently, mouth set. He didn’t trust himself to speak yet. Scotty was the only one sat down, his chin resting on crossed fingers. His usual cheer had evaporated the moment Mccoy had started to speak. Carol was different. Though devastated, she remained behind with Mccoy once the others had dispersed, facing him with an air of positivity.

“It’ll be alright, Doctor. This isn’t the end” She assured as he looked at her, lines of worry evident across his face.

“It can’t be ..” He agreed, giving her a quick but grateful pat on the shoulder as he made his way back to his broken friend.

Later, he would call on Carol for an ear to listen. Not to Jim, but to himself.

 

**To be blind is not miserable; not to be able to bear blindness, that is miserable.**

The first year back at home was awful. Having to relearn how to navigate surroundings and read and just find the fucking toilet made Kirk feel like an oversized baby. He needed help to get dressed, to make dinner, to tie his shoes, to wash his hair .. For weeks on end he found it impossible to even get up out of bed. He would never be Captain of the Enterprise again. He’d never see space again. He’d never see his friends stupid faces again. He clutched at memories of their faces as tightly as he could but after a time, even they began to fade. Despite their patience, many of his friends simply found it too difficult to visit a bedridden and perpetually angry Kirk. Only two were constant. Mccoy, who had taken it upon himself to take indefinite leave from the Enterprise in order to stay with Kirk. The two moved into a bungalow together not far from the Starfleet base and savings were splashed out on making the house as safe as possible for the ex-Captain. Carol also visited whenever she could, choosing to spend her free time taking over Mccoy’s duties while he took a few hours to relax and wind down. After an hour long bath and a half hour nap, Mccoy would return to the sitting room with three lukewarm cocoas which the three would drink as they talked about anything other that space.

Slowly, Kirk began to return to his old self. He began to smile more easily and laugh at Carol’s news. He started to join Mccoy on his weekly food shop and go out for evening meals with his friends who cheered at the sight of his old grin. Uhura and Spock began to make fortnightly visits together and the four would sit and talk or play games like Truth or Dare which usually led to Mccoy making Spock recite song lyrics in his usual monotony. As Uhura and Kirk cackled with laughter, Spock was left befuddled.

Uhura and Spock were not their only visitors. As often as possible Sulu, Chekov and occasionally Scotty, also visited. They brought stories of the new recruits and exams and as much information as they could gather on Starfleet’s operations. With the help of Scotty they also managed to sneak a Captain’s chair from a ship that was being rebuilt back to the bungalow. That was Kirk’s favourite present.

That first year turned into two and slowly life began to normalise for the ex-Captain and his Doctor. He was able to read braille well enough to read short stories or instructions, he had finally mapped out in his head the layout of the house and no longer walked into the walls or stubbed his toes on the furniture. For Kirk, the most important thing was that he hadn’t forgotten his friend’s faces. Whenever they visited he would spend five minutes mapping their faces with his hand, feeling for new scars or marks that would change their appearance in his head.

Kirk soon realised that his life was not ruined by blindness. It was instead a new adventure that he would boldly go on, but not alone.


End file.
